This time round I have noticed my clothes feeling tighter sooner, that joyous period of just feeling bloated (coinciding well with weeks of sickness and complete exhaustion) but true to form, I didn’t have a particularly distinct bump until about 17 weeks. Finally, maternity clothes didn’t feel quite so ridiculous! Here is my 20 week bump:
As alluded to above, I find the first trimester very hard. On top of the physical difficulties, I find that the huge flow of hormones leaves me feeling very blue – a kind of pre-natal depression. I don’t feel myself, I feel like I’m walking around in a bit of a haze, unable to connect with things/people. With Finn, it felt like I would never feel myself again – it was a little bit scary and I was so grateful to have Will there looking after me (I also worried that it was likely that I’d be hit by some baby blues pot-birth, but thankfully – I seemed to avoid that on the most part). This time round, I’ve had the benefit of hindsight – I knew that the 2nd trimester would come and I would feel better! However, it was harder in some ways. Not being able to be off duty quite so much (needing to run around after an energetic boy) made me even more tired, poorly and hazy but again I was incredibly well looked after by Will and the rest of my lovely family over the Christmas holidays and seemed to perk up a bit mid-January. What was most scary was feeling in a haze when it came to Finn. I didn’t feel my usual connection to him and felt like I was just getting through the bare essentials of each day rather than enjoying and relishing him. I knew this would get better, but it wasn’t much fun – I feel like I’ve had a bit of a hint of what PND must be like. Unfortunately, my vacancy and physical absence over Christmas (sleeping whenever others were around to look after Finn) did have a bit of an effect on my lovely boy and he became very clingy and emotional when I was there, his sleep also became awful – which didn’t help the whole situation.
I feel it’s important to share this as I’m sure others have been through/will go through this, but it’s not very widely talked about. Also, I am supremely glad that when 2nd trimester hit – I felt much more myself and am enjoying and loving my boy more than ever (those pesky hormones making me want to snuggle and laugh with him even more now) so I can breathe a sigh of relief that that phase is over and look forward to the new relationships which will grow between the FOUR of us (which I’m sure won’t be straight forward)!